As part of fulfilling a resolution this week, I went into the County Clerk's Office to hand in paperwork and take the oath of office. I was only there about 10 minutes, but at least five of them were spent waiting around. From the hallway I could look into the office space, also known as the Cube Farm. Since it was a couple of weeks before Christmas, the office had decked their halls with holiday and winter decorations, an office decorating contest, Christmas trees, menorahs, and much festivity. It reminded me of one of the goals I had when looking for a new job: Holiday Parties.
My first year at Bridge I attended the holiday party and it felt good. I went another year, and while I did not enjoy myself as much (feeling off that day?) I was still glad that I went. At the very least I felt like a team player.
Fast forward to this past June. A couple of days before the end of the school year party at someone's house, the head of the school told me I am not allowed to attend and that I am not included in out of school functions. Evidently (according to her), I make people feel uncomfortable when I attend.
I don't know how the head of school left our meeting not knowing how hurt I was, but she did. She felt we came to an understanding. I don't know why she feels it is okay for her, the school secretary, and school nurse to go to the party (even though they are not teachers), but not me (the fundraiser) and the person in charge of HR and payroll, but she does.
Standing outside the county office looking in at the decorations the feelings hit me again. The longing to be part of a holiday celebration at work.
It never feels good to be told you are an outsider, especially in an environment that prides itself on being kind and inclusive to all.
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