There are so many thoughts floating around my head I will try to stay focused as I blog today, but I can't make that promise. I also might just type and delete.
Last weekend was the Gala. The Gala is an all-consuming project of keeping plates spinning and all parts in perfect harmony for the first few months of the year. It leaves very little time or energy for anything else outside of work. Anything else that happens during those months are either because I want them to happen and make them a priority or because they are an obligation.
I wish I could say this just impacts the 20 hours a week I am contracted to work, but I'd be lying to myself and to anyone reading this. The closer we get to the event, the more all consuming it is. When I go for a walk I strategize how details will flow. When I am with others I talk about solutions to problems that might arise.
For the most part ... I love it! I feel energized because there is a focus.
I also feel overwhelmed because other things fall by the wayside, on hold until the event is over.
The dilemma ... the event has been over for a week. I am in Gala clean up mode, which is just as demanding, but without the rock solid deadline. Vague things have to get done ... thank you notes written, data transferred from one system to another, follow up, bills to be paid, pictures to be processed, delivering (and swapping) prizes, reporting to the board, to the staff, to the parents, follow up emails, etc. all while trying to reclaim my life at home and fix the parts that slid out of place.
I understand all that, too, and even love most of it.
The Gala was a huge success both financially and socially. People enjoyed being together. Donations are still pouring in.
So what's wrong? Why am I left wondering if I should quit on this high point and find a new job?
Two parts:
1) I feel taken advantage of. I agreed to a 20 hour work week, and instead of being able slide back to that schedule more demands are being placed on me.
2) Instead of people trusting I know what to do, I'm being micromanaged.
Much of these complaints would fade away if I could rein in a board member. She had the job before me, but acts as if I have much more time to do everything she did not have enough time to do.
This is where the rant will take off...
She has the ear of the head of school. She earned the respect of the head of school.
I hate it when she says "the head and I talked and we agree...." I hear "we are leaving you out of the conversation because you are not that important."
The head says "I agree with you predecessor ... I hear "you still don't know what you are doing, so do it her way."
She had the job before me. She retired. I jump through hoops doing what she thinks should be done ... things she did not have time to do when she had my position, but magically I have the time to do.
Fortunately this week is Easter break. I went to Tuesday's board meeting post gala ready to quit, and that was before she started in with ordering me to select a new database ASAP and not just say "I'm working on it." Um...it is not that simple. I've been looking during my slow times for a good database that would integrate what I do with what the business office does. Otherwise, what benefit is there to a new system? When was the last time the board voted on what systems the school uses? Did they decide on PCs vs. Macs? No.
I'm already peeved with the board because:
1) One board member (out of 7) still owes the school $860 for his gala tickets and ad. And he does this every year.
2) Only 3 out of 7 board members brought me bottles of wine for the Board basket.
3) Only 1 out of 7 board members brought me a new ad or sponsorship, even though they said they would help me with the gala since I also had grand jury at the same time and was feeling overwhelmed.
I'm feeling underappreciated and not respected at a time when they should be shouting Hosanna for a gala well done and encouraging me to take a breath.
Now I'm left with stray feelings I don't know how to contain:
1) There are always difficult people in the workplace.
2) I feel I have the respect of many others and don't really want to start over again building that up.
3) I hate wearing so many different hats that my head hurts trying to keep them all balanced.
4) I don't know which hats I would want to keep and which ones I would want to ditch.
5) For only five extra hours a week (which I've already been working) I would be eligible for paid time off and the option of purchasing health insurance. This adds to my feeling of being taken advantage of.
6) When I try to express how I feel to co-workers, they feel the same way and add "falls under 'other duties as assigned.'" I get that, but it can still hurt.
7) I'll never be able to rein in this board member. When I've expressed my concerns to the board president he sympathizes, but doesn't want to upset her because she does more than any other board member.
8) Part of me wants to get all the players in the room at the same time and explain how working behind my back does not help my productivity. Part of me knows that will likely backfire in my feeling even worse.
The best advice I have heard is to send out a couple or resumes and see what happens. The market is strong. Who knows where it would lead? That involves updating my resume to include the highlights from the past 3.5 years. With wearing so many hats, that feels overwhelming at a time when I already feel overwhelmed.
I want the perfect new position to fall out of the sky and land at my feet. Is that really asking too much?
Thanks for letting me ramble.
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