Thirteen months ago I left my role as the Director of Development for The Bridge Academy. Glancing through this blog, I see now I left without posting anything about it on the blog. The closest I came to sharing the news was in a post about going to Australia and New Zealand. A post I wrote a month later.
I came home from the other side of the world unsure about what my future would hold. I knew I was broken and in need of some healing before I could be a good employee again. Though no one said as much, I felt I let down the school by leaving. I stayed a couple of months longer than anticipated so they had time to hire someone to replace me, and time for me to train the person.
Yet, when my last day came, I felt like a loser.
There were no words of thank you, or good luck. No card, or token gift. Certainly not a party like my predecessor had received. Not even a good-bye lunch. No closure.
I felt I did nothing right. Like an imposter. As soon as I handed in my keys and laptop, I thought they would figure out I was a phony. I was broken in ways I could not have imagined nearly five years earlier when I started on a high. For 16 years I had been a stay-at-home mom, and Jacquie-of-all trades when The Bridge Academy saved me and saw me as more than my pieces. They gave me the tools to succeed and surrounded me with positive vibes. I wanted to help everyone.
A year later, though, I was already feeling deflated. Fundraising is not easy. You need a passion for the organization in order to succeed. A team on your side is also necessary for success.
In my second year, my predecessor stepped in and took me on as a pet project to make me a better fundraiser. In the beginning I welcomed her advice -- as the sole fundraiser I did not have an inhouse network. As time went on, though, her advice turned more from helpful suggestions to what I should do, always couched with "of course, it is your job, so you do what is best." It didn't help she had the ear of the head of school and I felt my ideas were dismissed because they were mine.
By the end of 2019, when these feels started to take over, I should have sent out some resumes, but instead I told myself I could hang on until the March 2020 gala.
Ten days before the gala, the State of New Jersey and the world shut down due to the pandemic and the decision whether or not to hold it was taken out of my hands.
All the rules went out the window.
Everyone at the school shifted from thriving to surviving. Fundraising changed from in-person events to phone calls with people actually answering their phones. I leaned into my predecessor and created a committee so we could brainstorm ways to stay connected. We went into extra innings with planning the gala. Fundraising came to a crash as in past years we raised half our money through the gala. Without the event, what should we do?
I wanted to crawl under the covers. I was forced to work from home, or alone when I did go into school. They were scary times. I have never felt so alone.
The school year reopened in a hybrid setting six months later. We realized we would not be able to hold a gala in the Spring of 2021, either. Meanwhile the construction project that had been on hold finally started and I was forced back to my home to work.
The proverbial football was punted even further away. I didn't want to leave until I held a successful gala.
Finally, in the Spring of 2022 we had a very successful gala. I made changes I had wanted to implement in 2019, but did not feel comfortable doing. Changes that included new software and online bidding.
I was starting to regain my confidence and wanted to do one more gala.
Trouble was, I never reconnected with the staff, teachers, and students. I was more connected to some parents than I was to those in-house. Had this been a Hallmark movie instead of my life, some eureka moment would have happened and the school would have rallied behind me and my fundraising and noticed my value as part of the team. Instead as they moved back from surviving to thriving I was pushed out. I was excluded from staff meetings (which I finally petitioned to be allowed to attend). Once things began to return to normal, I was excluded from staff parties. How was I supposed to raise money for a place that values acceptance and kindness above all when I was not feeling accepted or treated with kindness?
There were a couple of more kicks to the gut. The final one was when I was told I had to have anything I send out proofread by two people before I could send it because I had mistakes in my post-gala thank you letters. I could not ask the head of school, board members, business office manager, or teachers because they are all too busy, but I had to ask someone in-house. I was stumped as to who could read my words, so I slowed down on sending letters or mass emails.
When I asked people to read them, they said they were fine and there was nothing to change. I didn't believe them because I had learned my writing always had mistakes in it.
I knew it was truly time to leave. I waited until after the next gala when I raised more money than in prior years so I could leave on a high. Many would give two weeks' notice and leave, but instead I wrote a book documenting all I do in a year, and waited for them to hire my successor. They left me alone. I felt like I was drowning.
As I started to pack for Australia, I trained my successor and handed in my keys. Over the year I checked in with her and helped her run a gala equally as successful as mine. She put her twist on things, and took out changes I made, but that was her prerogative.
The year has been full of ups and downs. Reflecting on the past year, I see it included a lot more volunteering, some adult education, traveling near and far, reading a lot of books, and seeing friends. Overall, not a bad life.
1) Conversing with ESL learners with The English School at Lawrence Road Presbyterian Church -- an experience that brought much laughter as four to five strangers forced ourselves to focus on talking to each other for an hour.
2) Trustee for the Ewing Township Historic Preservation Society. In addition to attending meetings, it is volunteering for all activities, and conducting interviews with long-time residents.
3) Helping the new Director of Development with her first gala.
4) Digging at the Newlin Grist Mill in West Chester, PA.
5) Data entry with Dress for Success.
6) Set strike, ushering, etc. with Somerset Valley Players.
7) Writing the monthly eNews for Alliance Française.
I feel like there is more. Some is cyclical, and took a pause over the summer.
I also took some classes for fun.
1) Roller skating
2) Photography
3) Hula Hooping
I got together with friends on a more frequent basis.
The year started with traveling to Australia and New Zealand. We also went to Cuba, and are planning to return to Australia (and Bali) in a month. I thought the year would have included more traveling. Don taking a part time job with REI has cut into that wish.
Smaller trips include Ohio to see family and friends, and Buffalo, NY to experience the eclipse.
Many day trips in New York City, often to see Broadway shows, as well as quick trips to the Jersey Shore, mostly to Ocean Grove and Asbury Park.
I was surprised the year included a temp gig working at a friend's non-profit law firm. The pay was nice, and the work was light, but the real bonus was being surrounded by Honey Bunny's artwork.
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