Long story short, today a friend from college texted me. The longer version is I reached out to her mom when a photo popped up in my Facebook history and I realized this friend is no longer on Facebook.
The mom, realizing we had not connected in a while reached out to her daughter, who then reached out to me. The daughter asked "How are you doing?"
I'm struggling with how to respond.
Do I answer "Fine," even though the only way I am feeling "fine" is in the Louise Penny sense of the word, a nuance most people would not get.
Do I open myself up and tell her how I'm really feeling? Bare my soul? Tell her I'm scared. I'm lonely. I'm weary.
What is the happy, middle ground. "I'm okay?"
I don't want to ignore her text as she has ignored my last few over the years. It turns out she didn't recognize my new number and rather than asking "who is this," she ignored my messages, and the friendship faded to acquaintance, if that.
I'm still left with how to reply.
If I reply by pouring out my heart and telling her how I really feel and she ignores me again, the hurt will hurt and I'll shut my heart again.
If I tell her "fine" or "okay," our friendship won't move forward.
I want to know what is happening in her life, and the life of her family. I just don't want to get hurt. Again.
Why is friendship so hard?
UPDATE: I replied "feeling nostalgic" (in response to the photo that initiated the conversation). Asked how they were doing, and several hours later am still awaiting a repsonse.
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