Facebook Birthday Reminder

Facebook is reminding me that since I have a birthday coming up I have the opportunity to do a Facebook charity fundraiser. It is actually one of the sweetest parts of Facebook.

I first learned about this opportunity nearly six years ago as I was getting ready to celebrate a half a century. I was the director of development for The Bridge Academy. Nearly a year after starting the position, I was still in the honeymoon period where I loved the organization, and I felt loved. It was the fall of 2019 and pieces of my life had fallen into place in a way I could not have imagined even a year earlier when I was applying for jobs, being ghosted for those jobs, and not feeling I would ever be enough for someone to take a chance on me again. When I left my job in 2002 I slid from having a career to being on the mommy track. I told myself I was lucky, even blessed. We could afford to do this. Not everyone can stay home to raise a child. Years passed and suddenly our little girl was in high school and getting ready to leave the nest on her own life path. 

I wanted to return to my own life path.

As a new director of development I was curious how the Facebook fundraiser worked. As the birthday girl, I would see who donated. I wondered as the non-profit contact, what would I see?

I posted how happy I was at Bridge, and how they transform lives -- including mine. 

All truthful. 

At least it was at the time.

Friends donated. 

Facebook sent a bulk check once a month, but without the names of who donated. There was no way to thank them. More importantly, there was no way to thank the birthday girl or boy for creating a birthday fundraiser. 

Six years later I am gearing up to celebrate a non-milestone birthday. The excitement I felt working at Bridge fell off with the pandemic. I made mistakes. They made mistakes. I no longer felt part of the team that made the school a success. It is a vicious cycle. The less valued I felt, the less valued I became. 

It became easy for me to believe I had no value. The longer this went on, the more it became clear I had to leave. Two years later I still struggle with being able to give my heart to an organization.

I realized this as another birthday rolls around and there is not one organization I want to support publicly. There are still some I support quietly. 

I miss how I felt six years ago when I created that first birthday fundraiser and raised nearly a thousand dollars to help The Bridge Academy with their mission of helping students with language-based learning disabilities bridge the gap from potential to success. May I feel that way again