Thanksgiving Celebrations Over the Years

Once again this year we attended our town's ecumenical Thanksgiving service. It was hosted by the B'hai community and hosted at the Lawrence Community Center. Though better attended than last year, the world is still recovering from COVID. Best estimate, we had between 75 and 100 people.

What stood out to me was a homily by a member of the B'hai community. He started to tell us about his favorite Thanksgiving. For him it is the current Thanksgiving as he is thankful for the fairly quick repair of his heater, something his friends in war-torn Kyiv can only dream about happening.

His opening made me ponder my past Thanksgivings and try to identify my favorite one.

Growing up our Thanksgivings usually involved a blending of my mom and dad's families to the extent it took me years to figure out who belonged on which side. Something I yearned for my future children to experience, but, alas, did not. 

Once I started dating Don, Thanksgiving dinners were always a formal dinner with the adults in the dining room and the kids (all cousins) in the dining room. As a college-aged person at first I was excited to graduate from the kids' table, but often I yearned to be back to those a decade younger than me instead of a decade older. Thanksgiving shifted to being celebrated Veterans Day Weekend instead because it was an easier travel weekend for the Massachusetts crew. 

Like the tradition of celebrating Thanksgiving with the Koetting extended family, celebrating with the Pillsburys fizzled. We were back to celebrating with my side of the family, first in Paramus then in Robbinsville with whomever my parents invited.

Then there was the first year of COVID. And the second. Now the third. The family celebrations are just my parents, siblings, and our children. With Melissa missing it this year due to strep throat, and Stu having another obligation, we actually all fit around one table. We dressed more casually than we did when celebrating with the Pillsburys. There is no "kids" table or "adult" table -- even when there are two tables, people sit where they want. Though there have been a few celebrations when mom sets up "the sisters" table, and they take the grandchildren for themselves. Dan hides in another room because smells bother him. This is less annoying than when Cousin Lindsay used to hide under the dining room table like a pet dog (before anyone had a dog). She is about 30 now, but I still remember those days.

My worst Thanksgiving was when I was an exchange student in Belgium. I was homesick for a holiday they did not celebrate, they probably didn't even realize was happening back home. My vocabulary was not yet strong enough to explain why I was feeling so moody, or why I cried (or at least pouted) when they decided to have fish that day instead of (at least) chicken. At the time I did not like fish and was adamant about not eating fish, or not liking the smell of cooking fish. I think they loved fish, but (with the exception of that day) did not eat fish around me.

Ironically, my absolutely favorite Thanksgiving dinner was the year I was an exchange student in Paris. I lived with an assortment of expats, people who were extremely important in my life at the time, but 32 years later whose names I don't recall. We made our own "friendsgiving" before friendsgiving was a thing. I was in charge of cranberry sauce -- an item (at the time) cost about fifty cents in our local grocery store (I can still find it for $1.19 at Wegmans). One I paid close to $10 for in a specialty grocery store in Paris. It was worth it. Thanksgiving is just not the same without cranberry sauce. As this was before I learned how easy it is to make cranberry sauce, I needed a jar with the ridges. 

Mulling over what made that Thanksgiving so special reminded me of other Friendsgiving celebrations I have enjoyed. Kevin, a friend from my college fraternity days, used to host an annual celebration on Thanksgiving weekend. In his small, one bedroom apartment he would cook a feast and invite everyone he knew in the area to attend. Don, Ashley, and I often won the furthest traveled "award," while Adam (who lived next door) won the award for traveling the least. All in good humor. I have often been amazed by how easy he made it look entertaining about 30 people in his small space, when I struggle to host groups in our home. I found it easier (somehow) to entertain in our row home than I have found entertaining in our four-bedroom colonial. I wish I could figure out the difference. There is certainly more space for entertaining here -- but also more spaces that have to be cleaned. Our lives shifted from entertaining other couples to entertaining other families, which meant calendars became more complicated. For a long time at Kevin's parties, we were the only ones coming with children. He now has some friends with kids.

Another Friendsgiving celebration is with Debbi and Mike. This year's celebration was fairly small by their standards -- about 25 guests. The adults all fit around one table. The teens around another. As their parents moved to Florida, they realized they still wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving, so they began hosting friends the weekend before Thanksgiving, and making 130+ meals for shut-ins on Thanksgiving. It is all quite generous of them. We enjoy catching up with their friends whom we have not seen since the previous Friendsgiving. The setting is formal, yet not. They use china, which then goes in the dishwasher. There are linens on top of a plywood table. We sit on folding chairs. It is quite an interesting dichotomy. 

This feels like an odd place to end, yet, two days after Thanksgiving, I don't know how to continue. Maybe I should end with some dreams for future Thanksgivings. As long as my parents (well, mostly mom) wants to continue hosting, we'll let her. I'll continue to do what I can to make it happen (make side dishes, wash up afterwards). When things change, we are the most likely people to host. As we learned with COVID, it is nearly impossible to make plans for the future. Best to just go along and make changes as need be.

Happy Thanksgiving!