This past week has been draining for everyone in New Jersey, the United States, and the World and we unite to battle Coronavirus.
Each day as more liberties are taken away from us, I thought about the Holocaust. No, I do not expect people to be put to death from this (other than from the virus), but growing up I wondered how and why Jews accepted their world changing.
Taken from https://www.bl.uk/learning/histcitizen/voices/info/decrees/decrees.html
1934: Jewish students excluded from exams in medicine, dentistry, pharmacy, and law
2020: SATs and ACTs cancelled
1935-36: Jews banned from parks, restaurants, and swimming pools; passports for Jews to travel abroad restricted; many Jewish students removed from German schools and universities.
2020: Parks, restaurants, and swimming pools closed. Borders closed not allowing any international travel; all students removed from schools to do distance learning instead.
1938: Special identity card issued to Jews; Jews excluded from cinema, theater, concerts, exhibitions, beaches, and holiday resorts.
2020: Letters given to essential employees to be allowed to travel after curfew; all cinema, theater, concerts, etc. are banned.
1939: Jewish curfew established
2020: Everyone under curfew
1941: Jews forbidden to leave the country
2020: Everyone forbidden to leave the country
Again I repeat, I am not expecting mass exterminations.
Losing our rights this past week has made me see these parallels.
First the schools closed. Then the libraries. Then the non-essential businesses. Then the parks and beaches.
Only ten days ago I had to convince my boss to postpone the gala, even though the governor was allowing events of under 250 to take place (since lowered to 50, then 10, now it might be just immediate family).
The first sign a business would be closing is the employees wore gloves. Within 48 hours that business would be closed for the indefinite future.
These are scary times. There is no sign that life will return to normal in our lifetime. Once borders reopen the anticipation is there will be a second, third, fourth, etc. wave before this disease disappears, only to be replaced by a new one. Covid-19 (as it is called now) has already mutated once. It will mutate again. The cures being worked on now might not work by the time they are ready for the general population.
Hang in there everyone.
Monday, March 23, 2020
Saturday, March 21, 2020
Virtual Hugs Just Don't Cut It
I had another post in mind for today then I received a phone call Don's 90+ year old Aunt Ruth died. Followed by a FaceBook message a friend lost his 7-year battle with cancer. Followed by another post, a friend's mother died. Followed by a friend saying a mutual friend had to lay-off her staff. Followed by another friend saying she had lay-off her staff of 40.
Friends, we are only a week into social distancing. The governor is likely to announce mass quarantines today for all but healthcare workers and grocery store employees (but who can get to the grocery stores other than healthcare workers?).
I am following the rules (I will always be a rule follower), but I question the toll this is taking on all of us. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. Financially. Will we emerge stronger? Can we emerge stronger? How long will it take to emerge stronger?
The prediction for this disease is we'll return to "normal" for a bit, then wave two will hit. Followed by waves three and four. Might take 18 months until a vaccine is approved. Meanwhile the disease keeps mutating, has already mutated twice in the past few months. Can a cure be found? Can scientists keep on top of it?
Only time will tell.
Friends, we are only a week into social distancing. The governor is likely to announce mass quarantines today for all but healthcare workers and grocery store employees (but who can get to the grocery stores other than healthcare workers?).
I am following the rules (I will always be a rule follower), but I question the toll this is taking on all of us. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. Financially. Will we emerge stronger? Can we emerge stronger? How long will it take to emerge stronger?
The prediction for this disease is we'll return to "normal" for a bit, then wave two will hit. Followed by waves three and four. Might take 18 months until a vaccine is approved. Meanwhile the disease keeps mutating, has already mutated twice in the past few months. Can a cure be found? Can scientists keep on top of it?
Only time will tell.
Friday, March 20, 2020
Social Shaming
Day 5 of our forced curbing of what we have all felt to be rights no one would ever take away from us in this country -- the right to eat in restaurants, the right to be out in public, the right to full shelves at the grocery store, the right to hug each other, the right to congregate, the right to worship together, the right to go to school, etc. Rights so basic, we never thought about them until the Coronovirus took them away.
Life is a lot different in only a few days. The latest right taken away was the right to get a hair cut or manicure. I was able to have my hair treated on Tuesday, my appointment was changed from the Thursday before when I was busy postponing the gala. The salon was empty. People were canceling their appointments. Meanwhile the staff wondered if they would be able to reopen once the dust settles. When Hurricane Sandy shut them down for a week due to the loss of power they nearly did not reopen. No one knows how long the shut down will be.
As I typed this I learned the governor of Pennsylvania (the state next to us) is planning to announce a Shelter in Place. That means no crossing the state line, or having a friend alter Ashley's prom dress (which she may never wear) because the friend is in Pennsylvania.
A friend suggested I keep a diary. My insights during this time might help historians. I'd rather keep up the blog so others realize they are not alone in this.
Today's topic: Social Shaming
Social shaming goes something like this:
Person A: I just did take out from a local restaurant
Person B: How dare you leave the house when we are supposed to ALL be staying inside! (The law is against eating in restaurants, we can still do take out and support local restaurants.)
Or this:
Person A: Let's put our Christmas displays back out so we can brighten up our lives in a way that does not involve interacting with each other!
Person B: My mother is on a ventilator. I wouldn't take electricity she might need for something as frivolous as Christmas lights. (Mind you, there is no indication we are draining the power grid by all working from home.)
Or this:
Person A: Kids are outside playing basketball in public! How dare they! (groups under 50 are still allowed, and this group was well under 50)
Or this:
Person A: My neighbors are having a party. They had at least 6-7 pizzas delivered.
Person B: Maybe they were having a funeral, don't cast judgment on them.
Person A: I would never do that. (May no one in your family die so you don't have to decide between respecting the dead and isolating yourself.)
Or this:
Person A: Kids should not get together during this time. (Again, small groups of healthy people are still allowed together.)
Person B: 30 kids playing basketball together is wrong (only to find out she had a sleepover with her kids' best friends).
These are truly trying times. I would like to think everyone would be okay with a solid we hunker down for two weeks then life will return to fun and reality and we will have all done our best for society. However, the predictions range from two weeks (which no one believes at this point) to four weeks to two months to four months to eighteen months to we try again in two weeks and when wave two hits, we hunker down for another two more months.
Eighteen months? Who will still be in business besides Amazon and Walmart? At what point will the government deem it is okay for us to return to life? Are we really making a difference?
When life opens up again, how long will it take for us to trust it? For us to make plans for the future? For us to dream for our children and for ourselves?
Yes, everyone is losing something during this time. For us it is Ashley's senior year and her ability to do college visits. For my school our building campaign is on hold. I wonder about my job because my paycheck comes out of what I raise. I was suppose to bring in over $50,000 this week at the gala. I won't be able to do that. If it is only a two-week pause we'll recover, if it is 18 months, I'll lose my job. Try finding a new one in this economy!
It still doesn't make it easy. The social shaming also goes along the lines of:
Person A: I didn't get to do XYZ during my life because of some situation and I survived.
Gee, thanks, I don't want my daughter to survive this, I want her to enjoy this time of life.
Or
Person A: Everyone is suffering, so your pain is really not that big a deal in the grand scheme of life.
Gee, thanks, I didn't realize there were levels of pain and graded on a scale of frivolous to serious. Usually serious is reserved for what the person grading the scale is personally going through.
We mourn our own losses -- maybe a business, maybe a school year, maybe not being able to go on that trip of a lifetime, maybe not being able to see your family as you isolate. Family members will still die, but we won't be able to mourn with them.
The governor of Pennsylvania is scheduled to announce a Shelter in Place, which would take away the right to go for a walk in your neighborhood, too. We'll find out later today what the newest set or rules will be.
As stricter and stricter measures are put into place, I am still left wondering are we making a difference? What are we losing by killing the virus through social isolation? How high will the suicide rate climb? How how will unemployment soar? How many businesses will fold? Again, is it worth it?
Life is a lot different in only a few days. The latest right taken away was the right to get a hair cut or manicure. I was able to have my hair treated on Tuesday, my appointment was changed from the Thursday before when I was busy postponing the gala. The salon was empty. People were canceling their appointments. Meanwhile the staff wondered if they would be able to reopen once the dust settles. When Hurricane Sandy shut them down for a week due to the loss of power they nearly did not reopen. No one knows how long the shut down will be.
As I typed this I learned the governor of Pennsylvania (the state next to us) is planning to announce a Shelter in Place. That means no crossing the state line, or having a friend alter Ashley's prom dress (which she may never wear) because the friend is in Pennsylvania.
A friend suggested I keep a diary. My insights during this time might help historians. I'd rather keep up the blog so others realize they are not alone in this.
Today's topic: Social Shaming
Social shaming goes something like this:
Person A: I just did take out from a local restaurant
Person B: How dare you leave the house when we are supposed to ALL be staying inside! (The law is against eating in restaurants, we can still do take out and support local restaurants.)
Or this:
Person A: Let's put our Christmas displays back out so we can brighten up our lives in a way that does not involve interacting with each other!
Person B: My mother is on a ventilator. I wouldn't take electricity she might need for something as frivolous as Christmas lights. (Mind you, there is no indication we are draining the power grid by all working from home.)
Or this:
Person A: Kids are outside playing basketball in public! How dare they! (groups under 50 are still allowed, and this group was well under 50)
Or this:
Person A: My neighbors are having a party. They had at least 6-7 pizzas delivered.
Person B: Maybe they were having a funeral, don't cast judgment on them.
Person A: I would never do that. (May no one in your family die so you don't have to decide between respecting the dead and isolating yourself.)
Or this:
Person A: Kids should not get together during this time. (Again, small groups of healthy people are still allowed together.)
Person B: 30 kids playing basketball together is wrong (only to find out she had a sleepover with her kids' best friends).
These are truly trying times. I would like to think everyone would be okay with a solid we hunker down for two weeks then life will return to fun and reality and we will have all done our best for society. However, the predictions range from two weeks (which no one believes at this point) to four weeks to two months to four months to eighteen months to we try again in two weeks and when wave two hits, we hunker down for another two more months.
Eighteen months? Who will still be in business besides Amazon and Walmart? At what point will the government deem it is okay for us to return to life? Are we really making a difference?
When life opens up again, how long will it take for us to trust it? For us to make plans for the future? For us to dream for our children and for ourselves?
Yes, everyone is losing something during this time. For us it is Ashley's senior year and her ability to do college visits. For my school our building campaign is on hold. I wonder about my job because my paycheck comes out of what I raise. I was suppose to bring in over $50,000 this week at the gala. I won't be able to do that. If it is only a two-week pause we'll recover, if it is 18 months, I'll lose my job. Try finding a new one in this economy!
It still doesn't make it easy. The social shaming also goes along the lines of:
Person A: I didn't get to do XYZ during my life because of some situation and I survived.
Gee, thanks, I don't want my daughter to survive this, I want her to enjoy this time of life.
Or
Person A: Everyone is suffering, so your pain is really not that big a deal in the grand scheme of life.
Gee, thanks, I didn't realize there were levels of pain and graded on a scale of frivolous to serious. Usually serious is reserved for what the person grading the scale is personally going through.
We mourn our own losses -- maybe a business, maybe a school year, maybe not being able to go on that trip of a lifetime, maybe not being able to see your family as you isolate. Family members will still die, but we won't be able to mourn with them.
The governor of Pennsylvania is scheduled to announce a Shelter in Place, which would take away the right to go for a walk in your neighborhood, too. We'll find out later today what the newest set or rules will be.
As stricter and stricter measures are put into place, I am still left wondering are we making a difference? What are we losing by killing the virus through social isolation? How high will the suicide rate climb? How how will unemployment soar? How many businesses will fold? Again, is it worth it?
Thursday, March 19, 2020
Doomsday Predictions
A few days ago I posted my feelings about Ashley's senior year being disrupted (at best) or cancelled (at medium prediction). Many were supportive of allowing me to vent my feelings, but at least a few reminded me but isn't this better than many people dying from the disease?
Of course I don't wish mass deaths on the world, but like everyone else I am adjusting. I am still doing what I am supposed to -- staying away from others, only shopping for necessities, not leaving the house except for walks. Meanwhile I don't have to be happy about it.
The most optimistic predictions are we will be social distancing for two weeks. As we are at day 4, that does not seem likely.
The doomsday predictions call for 18 months until a vaccine exists, then time to distribute that vaccination before we can get on with our lives. Meanwhile this disease is mutating, which will take longer for a cure.
I want to distance myself from social media because of the judgments -- I saw kids playing in the park, don't their parents know they should stay inside? Someone had a party with six pizza boxes, don't they know they should stay away from others? I saw someone hoarding food at the grocery store, don't they know that is wrong?
But then I don't want to distance myself because there is some good out there and I want to be connected to people.
If this drags on for months, years, what businesses besides Amazon and Walmart will survive?
This week all non-essential businesses have closed, or will close before the end of the week. The dentist office (at some point won't we need cleanings?), the hair salon, restaurants, the library, schools (distance learning will not work for all), and so much more are closed until further notice.
I could simply keep my feelings to myself (which tends to eat me alive, but, heh, it is for the greater good) or share them and risk being told I am wrong for having feelings (did we dive that deeply into communism where we are not allowed to have feelings?).
For now I'll share because I suspect I am not alone in my feelings, even if others are unwilling to share, and because I often feel better after I write -- at least until someone casts judgment on me for having feelings and I spiral in a nosedive again.
May I look back on this time soon and say why was I worried? That wasn't so bad. Maybe I'll even have guilt for wasting this time feeling sorry for myself and the world. Maybe businesses will thrive and new jobs will be created out of this mess. Maybe the disease will simply disappear in a poof of air (as was predicted by a psychic a number of years ago).
For now I continue to ache and I am adult enough to admit it rather than pretending life is wonderful. If I pretend I'll never be able to move past the feelings to the next stage.
When I firmly return to feeling optimistic about the future, I'll blog about it and encourage others to feel optimistic again, too. In the meantime, there will be good moments and bad ones. That is life.
Monday, March 16, 2020
Fast Forward from September 11, 2001
It all started on September 11, 2001, or rather on September 12th. Because I didn't want the news to connected to that horrific day. Yet, somehow 18+ years later it feels like it is.
I took a pregnancy test.
It was positive.
On May 17, 2002 we welcomed Ashley into the world.
The beginning of a story. The beginning of dreams for our little person.
This week I (and everyone else reading this) am dealing with the loss of dreams. I dreamed about her last high school production. I dreamed about her walking down the Senior Fashion Show aisle. I dreamed about her receiving college acceptances (which should still come) and touring the schools (which won't likely happen).
Today the governor put in restrictions I never thought possible. We have a mandatory curfew from 8 pm to 5 am. Shops and restaurants are forced to close. Schools are closed until he deems it okay to open them. Already international airline travel has been curtailed. Events under 250 (now 50, maybe even less) have been cancelled, including my gala. Grocery store shelves (toilet paper and meat most noticeably) are empty.
As I mentally adjust to the new restrictions, more rules are being enacted.
Our beloved library is closing tonight at 7. On Saturday it was business as usual. On Sunday they started wearing gloves. On Monday they announced closing their doors for the foreseeable future.
The foreseeable future.
Social distancing.
Remote learning.
Flattening the curve.
When will it end?
I wonder if it really matters. What if we just let it naturally spike the numbers and all take our chances? Those worry stay home. The rest of us live our lives and make our memories.
If this was only a two week pause, I could handle it.
If I saw some sign of hope, like snow melting after a blizzard, I could handle it.
Instead we are all left with uncertainty at a time we should be celebrating. We are left wondering if the Disney trip, proms, graduation, and senior celebrations are next. On a greater scale, left wondering what businesses will fold. Left wondering how long before we recover as a world.
It is not fair.
Yet, as I read social media, I am not allowed to feel it is unfair. It is for the greater good, not just for me and our daughter.
We will never reclaim this time. We will never reclaim these milestones. It is a loss. I am allowed to grieve. I am allowed to wish we would redo this in May and June instead of in March and April. I am willing to send her to school through mid-August if it meant she could give her senior speech at the cast party that was cancelled last weekend. If it meant taking pictures at her prom. If it meant cheering for her and her friends at graduation. If it meant the Disney trip would still happen. If it meant we still had that last parent-teacher conference where I could thank your teachers for everything.
Instead uncertainty.
Instead fear.
Instead extra stress.
Instead hopelessness.
Any other two months and I would embrace the chance to slow down and embrace life with my family. Why now?
Instead I am mourning.
Instead I want to cry, but the tears are not coming.
Instead I want to hug someone until the tears flow, but social distancing prevents contact.
I am reminded of that pregnancy test and being happy for our future when the world was mourning and I was not able to fully be happy because others lost so much. Now I'm going through those same feelings again -- not allowed to be upset because it is for the "greater good."
So far I am taking this harder than Ashley, and definitely harder than Don. I recognize that, but I am still hurt. It will take me a while to recover.
I'd love some optimism that schools will reopen. That the Disney-theme parks will reopen. That the numbers decline. I'm just not feeling it right now.
I took a pregnancy test.
It was positive.
On May 17, 2002 we welcomed Ashley into the world.
The beginning of a story. The beginning of dreams for our little person.
This week I (and everyone else reading this) am dealing with the loss of dreams. I dreamed about her last high school production. I dreamed about her walking down the Senior Fashion Show aisle. I dreamed about her receiving college acceptances (which should still come) and touring the schools (which won't likely happen).
Today the governor put in restrictions I never thought possible. We have a mandatory curfew from 8 pm to 5 am. Shops and restaurants are forced to close. Schools are closed until he deems it okay to open them. Already international airline travel has been curtailed. Events under 250 (now 50, maybe even less) have been cancelled, including my gala. Grocery store shelves (toilet paper and meat most noticeably) are empty.
As I mentally adjust to the new restrictions, more rules are being enacted.
Our beloved library is closing tonight at 7. On Saturday it was business as usual. On Sunday they started wearing gloves. On Monday they announced closing their doors for the foreseeable future.
The foreseeable future.
Social distancing.
Remote learning.
Flattening the curve.
When will it end?
I wonder if it really matters. What if we just let it naturally spike the numbers and all take our chances? Those worry stay home. The rest of us live our lives and make our memories.
If this was only a two week pause, I could handle it.
If I saw some sign of hope, like snow melting after a blizzard, I could handle it.
Instead we are all left with uncertainty at a time we should be celebrating. We are left wondering if the Disney trip, proms, graduation, and senior celebrations are next. On a greater scale, left wondering what businesses will fold. Left wondering how long before we recover as a world.
It is not fair.
Yet, as I read social media, I am not allowed to feel it is unfair. It is for the greater good, not just for me and our daughter.
We will never reclaim this time. We will never reclaim these milestones. It is a loss. I am allowed to grieve. I am allowed to wish we would redo this in May and June instead of in March and April. I am willing to send her to school through mid-August if it meant she could give her senior speech at the cast party that was cancelled last weekend. If it meant taking pictures at her prom. If it meant cheering for her and her friends at graduation. If it meant the Disney trip would still happen. If it meant we still had that last parent-teacher conference where I could thank your teachers for everything.
Instead uncertainty.
Instead fear.
Instead extra stress.
Instead hopelessness.
Any other two months and I would embrace the chance to slow down and embrace life with my family. Why now?
Instead I am mourning.
Instead I want to cry, but the tears are not coming.
Instead I want to hug someone until the tears flow, but social distancing prevents contact.
I am reminded of that pregnancy test and being happy for our future when the world was mourning and I was not able to fully be happy because others lost so much. Now I'm going through those same feelings again -- not allowed to be upset because it is for the "greater good."
So far I am taking this harder than Ashley, and definitely harder than Don. I recognize that, but I am still hurt. It will take me a while to recover.
I'd love some optimism that schools will reopen. That the Disney-theme parks will reopen. That the numbers decline. I'm just not feeling it right now.
Sunday, March 1, 2020
Year Five for the Tomato Soup and Grilled Cheese 4-Miler
Being a legacy runner for a race means you feel compelled to do it even when you shouldn't. That was the case today.
Having run the Bucks County Runners Tomato Soup and Grilled Cheese 4-Miler for the past four years, I was determined to make this year five. It didn't matter that the scratchy throat I've been dealing with since Tuesday made me wake up without a voice. It didn't matter that I ran on Friday and Saturday at less than full steam because of a challenge I made to myself to run at least ten 5ks (or greater distance) every month. It didn't matter that it was 31 degrees but felt much closer to 20. At least the sun was shining and I was determined to do it.
The course is the same. We start with the spiral of death to help us spread out. At the 1.1 mile mark we hop on the towpath at Washington Crossing State Park in Pennsylvania and run a little over 2.6 miles before we turn around. The fast people passed me at 1.6 miles this year. Don reached the turn around about .05 miles before me. I really slowed down on the last 1.4 miles.
On the plus for this year, it was not muddy.
The line for the tomato soup at the end was long, but the soup was plentiful and delicious. As were the grilled cheese sandwiches, or so I heard.
I enjoyed catching up with Gabrielle.
It was still cold at the finish line, so we headed home to warm up.
Of note this year, the early registrants each got a toasty warm hat. I put mine on after the race so I didn't have any bad race mojo. I needed all the help I could get.
According to my watch, I finished just under a 12-minute mile pace. Certainly not a PR, but respectable given how I was feeling. Fortunately the rest of the day called for spending time under the blanket with the fireplace on blogging about adventures.
Having run the Bucks County Runners Tomato Soup and Grilled Cheese 4-Miler for the past four years, I was determined to make this year five. It didn't matter that the scratchy throat I've been dealing with since Tuesday made me wake up without a voice. It didn't matter that I ran on Friday and Saturday at less than full steam because of a challenge I made to myself to run at least ten 5ks (or greater distance) every month. It didn't matter that it was 31 degrees but felt much closer to 20. At least the sun was shining and I was determined to do it.
The course is the same. We start with the spiral of death to help us spread out. At the 1.1 mile mark we hop on the towpath at Washington Crossing State Park in Pennsylvania and run a little over 2.6 miles before we turn around. The fast people passed me at 1.6 miles this year. Don reached the turn around about .05 miles before me. I really slowed down on the last 1.4 miles.
On the plus for this year, it was not muddy.
The line for the tomato soup at the end was long, but the soup was plentiful and delicious. As were the grilled cheese sandwiches, or so I heard.
I enjoyed catching up with Gabrielle.
It was still cold at the finish line, so we headed home to warm up.
Of note this year, the early registrants each got a toasty warm hat. I put mine on after the race so I didn't have any bad race mojo. I needed all the help I could get.
According to my watch, I finished just under a 12-minute mile pace. Certainly not a PR, but respectable given how I was feeling. Fortunately the rest of the day called for spending time under the blanket with the fireplace on blogging about adventures.
Katie's Run
Katie was hooked.
Katie decided when she turned 40 she would do the same. Between her running group and other parts of her life, she has a lot of running friends. At one point she had enough friends each person would have to run 2.67 miles.
That's when Don and I chimed in we would do it, too.
As the day drew nearer, and the forecast turned colder, we were afraid some people would bail. Though we didn't want to run a half-marathon that day, we were prepared to do so for Katie if we were the only ones who showed up.
The plan was to meet at the Grandparents Park near the Marina at Mercer County Park at 9 am on February 29. Though we have had some warm days, this was not one of them. Fortunately it was not raining or sleeting. Just cold. About 30 degrees, but feels like the low 20s cold.We showed up in time for the count off. There were 28 people, mostly women.
1.42 miles each.
We headed out like a flock of flamingos (the goal was to dress in pink) and turned left past the memorial. Ran for .7 miles and turned around. That easy.
Having a cold, and having run a 5k the day before with a 4 mile race planned for the next day, I was much slower than usual. Either that, or I was aiming to keep Katie's pace. Yeah, that's my story and I am sticking with it.
As I passed a couple walking, I encouraged them to shout Happy Birthday to Katie. They did.
We did have fun. The sunshine helped. It always does.
Afterwards there were flamingo cupcakes and other celebratory activities. Don and I went home. Some skipped the running and arrived in time for the party. Others skipped the party and only went to the run. I suspect in the end it worked out as it was supposed to -- just right.
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