Social Shaming

Day 5 of our forced curbing of what we have all felt to be rights no one would ever take away from us in this country -- the right to eat in restaurants, the right to be out in public, the right to full shelves at the grocery store, the right to hug each other, the right to congregate, the right to worship together, the right to go to school, etc. Rights so basic, we never thought about them until the Coronovirus took them away.

Life is a lot different in only a few days. The latest right taken away was the right to get a hair cut or manicure. I was able to have my hair treated on Tuesday, my appointment was changed from the Thursday before when I was busy postponing the gala. The salon was empty. People were canceling their appointments. Meanwhile the staff wondered if they would be able to reopen once the dust settles. When Hurricane Sandy shut them down for a week due to the loss of power they nearly did not reopen. No one knows how long the shut down will be.

As I typed this I learned the governor of Pennsylvania (the state next to us) is planning to announce a Shelter in Place. That means no crossing the state line, or having a friend alter Ashley's prom dress (which she may never wear) because the friend is in Pennsylvania.

A friend suggested I keep a diary. My insights during this time might help historians. I'd rather keep up the blog so others realize they are not alone in this.

Today's topic: Social Shaming

Social shaming goes something like this:

Person A: I just did take out from a local restaurant
Person B: How dare you leave the house when we are supposed to ALL be staying inside! (The law is against eating in restaurants, we can still do take out and support local restaurants.)


Or this:
Person A: Let's put our Christmas displays back out so we can brighten up our lives in a way that does not involve interacting with each other!
Person B: My mother is on a ventilator. I wouldn't take electricity she might need for something as frivolous as Christmas lights. (Mind you, there is no indication we are draining the power grid by all working from home.)


Or this:
Person A: Kids are outside playing basketball in public! How dare they! (groups under 50 are still allowed, and this group was well under 50)


Or this:
Person A: My neighbors are having a party. They had at least 6-7 pizzas delivered.
Person B: Maybe they were having a funeral, don't cast judgment on them.
Person A: I would never do that. (May no one in your family die so you don't have to decide between respecting the dead and isolating yourself.)


Or this:
Person A: Kids should not get together during this time. (Again, small groups of healthy people are still allowed together.)
Person B: 30 kids playing basketball together is wrong (only to find out she had a sleepover with her kids' best friends).


These are truly trying times. I would like to think everyone would be okay with a solid we hunker down for two weeks then life will return to fun and reality and we will have all done our best for society. However, the predictions range from two weeks (which no one believes at this point) to four weeks to two months to four months to eighteen months to we try again in two weeks and when wave two hits, we hunker down for another two more months.

Eighteen months? Who will still be in business besides Amazon and Walmart? At what point will the government deem it is okay for us to return to life? Are we really making a difference?

When life opens up again, how long will it take for us to trust it? For us to make plans for the future? For us to dream for our children and for ourselves?

Yes, everyone is losing something during this time. For us it is Ashley's senior year and her ability to do college visits. For my school our building campaign is on hold. I wonder about my job because my paycheck comes out of what I raise. I was suppose to bring in over $50,000 this week at the gala. I won't be able to do that. If it is only a two-week pause we'll recover, if it is 18 months, I'll lose my job. Try finding a new one in this economy!

It still doesn't make it easy. The social shaming also goes along the lines of:

Person A: I didn't get to do XYZ during my life because of some situation and I survived.

Gee, thanks, I don't want my daughter to survive this, I want her to enjoy this time of life.

Or
Person A: Everyone is suffering, so your pain is really not that big a deal in the grand scheme of life.

Gee, thanks, I didn't realize there were levels of pain and graded on a scale of frivolous to serious. Usually serious is reserved for what the person grading the scale is personally going through.

We mourn our own losses -- maybe a business, maybe a school year, maybe not being able to go on that trip of a lifetime, maybe not being able to see your family as you isolate. Family members will still die, but we won't be able to mourn with them.

The governor of Pennsylvania is scheduled to announce a Shelter in Place, which would take away the right to go for a walk in your neighborhood, too. We'll find out later today what the newest set or rules will be.

As stricter and stricter measures are put into place, I am still left wondering are we making a difference? What are we losing by killing the virus through social isolation? How high will the suicide rate climb? How how will unemployment soar? How many businesses will fold? Again, is it worth it?