It's been over 7 years, Carin

 

It has been more than seven years since Carin left us. I admit with the passing of time, days pass when I don't think of her. When I don't miss her with an ache that feels crushing. Even weeks. Perhaps even months. 

This November, though, has not been like that. There have been days where I've reached for my phone to send her a text. Call to ask a question. Think of her.

I visited her grave in October for the first time in a couple of years. I was in that part of Pennsylvania, was alone, and didn't have immediate plans. I just wanted to be with her a little bit.

Since then I feel like she is haunting me.

Mr. Todd, our iterant arborist stopped by to trim up our trees. The last time I saw him was when I was doubled over in pain from the food poisoning I got at Carin's house during her Shiva -- as if she hovering over that day frustrated she couldn't micromanage those last details.

It was more than that. It was hosting my first Thanksgiving and wanting to ask for her insights. Okay, I wanted to vent and have her talk me off a ledge. 

Ashley had to go to the dentist. We used to text while our girls were with their dentists because they both hated it so much, and we knew it was a necessary evil. 

I think of her as I try to decide if I should commit to growing out the greys or cover them up again. What should I do with my hair?

I think of her as I plan trips. What am I missing? 

I think of her when Nancy, Laura, and I get together and swap stories of our children and families.

I thought of her as another friend succumbed to leukemia.

November would have been her and Mark's wedding anniversary. I think of that.

November seemed to be her favorite month. Not too hot. Not too cold. Filled with family getting together. Anticipation for how to make Hanukkah better than the year before.

May we all live our lives so when we are forced to leave, there are still people left who think of us fondly. Who miss us. Who mourn us.

Thanksgiving Prep 2025, part 2

It is the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and I have reached the annoyed part of Thanksgiving Prep.

Before I reply to my sister's message asking if she can bring a guest, a stranger, a newcomer, I needed to vent. I called a friend, but it rolled to voice mail. I thought about a friend who passed away 7 1/2 years ago and would have talked me off the ledge, but alas, she is no longer with us. Before I could vent to mom, she sent a passive/aggressive message that it wasn't her call since it was at my house. I made the mistake of venting to Don, who managed to make it worse. His response: tell them no, tell them to stop taking advantage of me. 

Two days before Thanksgiving I am annoyed. How am I annoyed, let me count the ways:

1) I am annoyed my husband is working the six days leading up to Thanksgiving even though he is semi-retired. He even accepted an extra shift.

2) I am annoyed the two things I have asked him to do (put away his laundry and install a handicap toilet seat for Dad) have not been done.

3) I am annoyed my younger sister did not make mashed potatoes and instead ordered them from a local store. 

4) I am annoyed at myself for being annoyed that she did not make mashed potatoes, after all what difference does it make if I don't have to make them.

5) I am annoyed with my younger sister for inviting a stranger to this mix.

6) I am annoyed my daughter has to leave before I was planning to serve dinner because her girlfriend's parents serve dinner at the same time.

7) I am annoyed because instead of helping me with the parts I need help with, offers are being made to help me with the parts under control.

8) I am annoyed with myself for not accepting the help.

9) I am annoyed with my middle sister for not RSVPing and telling me the time is going to work.

10) I am annoyed my middle sister ignored my phone call last night.

11) I am annoyed with myself for being annoyed because maybe she didn't see the call, was legitimately busy, or had a good reason for ignoring me since I never call (she never calls either).

12) I am annoyed my nephew does not like food smells and will likely complain, or they'll arrive too late for Christmas card photos, or will ruin all my hard work.

13) I am annoyed my mom broke her elbow.

14) I am more annoyed she broke her elbow at work and told my friends they couldn't tell me by threatening HIPPA laws, then didn't tell me herself for days and only after I reached out to her.

15) I'm annoyed when I vented to Don instead of saying "we'll make it work," or "you are doing a great job," or "I'm looking forward to the great food you are going to make" he said "all I really want is a pumpkin pie" -- one thing I cut from the list because I've never made one and it seemed like an easy thing to eliminate, but then felt guilty because he doesn't ask for much and that's all he wanted. I'd prefer it if he said HE would make the pie instead of adding to my plate.

16) I'm annoyed when I vented he yelled back at me. He rarely yells. I feel I have to take sides between him and the family I grew up with. After being married for 32 years, I think of them all as our family.

~~~

A week later.

Of course, it all worked out. Neither sister, nor my mom, could lift more than a pound with their dominant hand. 

Day of Don did all the after dinner washing, and told everyone I did everything leading up to the day. People thanked me. They had a good time. 

Best of all, we had leftovers that lasted until we left for vacation.

Ashley and Anna came early and set the tables. No furniture was broken (I later learned, that happened at a friend's house). No fights. No drama. 

Santa Visits through the Years

Organizing my external hard drive filled with 7 years worth of photographs has encouraged me to create another "through the years" blog. This one is of visits with Santa. In most cases, the visit was with the true Santa, as agreed upon by my friend, Heidi.

2002

I was a new mom to a 7-month old baby. I thought the only place to see Santa was at the mall. Fortunately the line was not very long.

2003

When Ashley was a year old we stumbled upon Santa while touring Kuser Mansion in Hamilton, NJ. It took us a couple of years to discover the pattern and to make it a habit to see him.

2004

Looking back I must have been crazy, but at the time it seemed sane. Ashley and I went into NYC with Debbi and Christopher to see the Christmas decorations, and take a picture with Santa at Macy's Santaland. It was an ambitious day with two small kids and mass transit.

2005

We had a nice visit with Santa at Hershey Park the year Ashley was 3.

2006

When Ashley was 4 we returned to to Kuser Mansion to visit Santa. Over the years we've been able to have long chats with Santa.

2007

When Ashley was 5 we took her to Kale's Nursery, a local florist, to see "the best Santa," according to an acquaintance. He was closer to home, and was available more hours, but he was not the true Santa.

2008

Back to Kuser Mansion to see the true Santa. Ashley and Baby, her doll, dressed like Santa for the picture.

My mom's other grandchildren could not make it to Kuser to meet Santa, so we met up at Marketfair Mall instead. Ashley was in first grade, but I was homeschooling her that year, so our schedule was flexible. We were the first ones at the mall. While waiting, a photographer from the US 1 Newspaper asked if Ashley was afraid of Santa. I said no. He asked Ashley and Santa to do a small photo shoot together. It was on the cover of the US 1 newspaper the following week.

2009

When Ashley was 7 years old, she asked Santa for a pair of spats. From here on out, Santa calls Ashley "Spats." 

2010

8-year old Ashley showing Santa the spats he brought her the year before. She then asked him for a sewing machine.

2011

At 9 Ashley asked Santa for a bearded dragon. Yeah, right, like that stands a chance of happening! There is no way I was going to allow a reptile to live in our house. 

2012

This year 10-year old Ashley brought Sandy Claws to meet Santa Claus.







2013 

Visiting Santa a Desiree Daniels annual open house. They asked about Sandy.

2014 

Back at Desiree Daniel's Open House. They asked again about Sandy. He has been pooping too much to take him out in public. This year our 12 year old asked for a trip to Europe. Amazing how the ante keeps getting upped.

2015

Back to Desiree Daniel's house again for a quick sneak visit before dashing to school to be aged 60 years from 13 to mid-70s to turn into Scrooge. Santa noted she has grown again. Ashley has been too busy to think about what she wants for Christmas this year. Does this mean Santa gets off easy this year?

2016

For the first time I did not take a picture of just Ashley with Santa. A sign the times are changing and that I was more excited to see Santa than she was? Heidi also started a new tradition -- she invited Santa to her holiday party. We also saw him at Desiree Daniels' house (timed well so we arrived at a lull). For the second year in a row, Ashley didn't tell Santa what she wanted for Christmas. 

2017

It is so nice having Santa living back in New Jersey again! This year Santa had a regular gig at Kale's Nursery in Lawrenceville. We also saw him at the Heidi's caroling party.

2018 

Two trips to see Santa at Kale's because the first time I forgot to take a picture of Ashley alone with Santa. So out of habit. So glad he is close. Ashley knit the cap she is wearing. We caught him quickly at Heidi's caroling party. Santa was very busy this year, but always makes time for those on his "Good List." 

Merry Christmas!

2019

We are entering a new stage. with Ashley working retail, seeing Santa was a bit of a challenge. Kale's was out because they had similar hours. We did find one evening at Kuser Mansion, but nearly missed it because we thought he was there until 9 (it was really 8) and we stopped for dinner after WiNK church service. We did it, and the tradition continued. With Ashley going to college next year, we'll see what happens.

2020

We popped in to see Santa at Kale's Nursery over Thanksgiving weekend because it is 2020 and who knows what will happen! Dr. Fauci said Santa cannot get Coronavirus, but there is always the chance non-essential businesses will be forced to close again. Santa sat back a few feet from us on his throne. We sat on the white bench in front of him. We wore masks when talking to him. We were told we could take them off for the picture, meanwhile he wore a clear plastic face guard as protection. A strange year to say the least.

2021

We are slowly making progress towards life two years ago. Because Santa knew we are fully vaccinated (including boosters) we were allowed to visit up close and even sit on his lap (well, Ashley did). We brought Yoran, our Belgian exchange student, with us. Santa eyed him up and said this year he gets a handshake. If he comes back next year, he gets a hug like the rest of us. We tried to explain he'll be back in Belgium by next Christmas -- no, he is not her boyfriend! This was the picture that made our Christmas card. Funny, no one asked about him. To be fair, we did mention him on the back when we talked about our news for the year.

2022

We returned to Kales for our annual Christmas photo over Thanksgiving weekend. I suppose Ashley finally graduated from being told to sit on Santa's lap.

2023

When Santa tapped his knee and asked Ashley to sit there, I felt he was asking her to model a Santa Visit for the growing line of little ones at Kale's Nursey. Last year we thought she graduated from sitting on Santa's knee, but we were mistaken. Santa is very busy, by the end of the weekend he had already seen over 1,000 children. 

2024

A new twist: adding Anna to our annual Santa photo. Kale's Nursery closed. Within days of the announcement, Carroll's Tree Farm, another Lawrenceville nursery asked him to be with them this year. He greets guests in a tiny stone building near the street. With the space heater, it is very cozy. Given the space, the next family has to wait outside, making it very private. 

Don and I went to see him at Kuser Mansion a week later for old time's sake. That line was nearly 45-minutes long. The kids played while the adults waited patiently. The mild weather helped -- a lot! The cold snap had broken, and the rains had not yet come.

2025

Santa returned to the former Kale's Nursery, now Killian's. As it was a cold day, thankfully he was indoors. I tasked Ashley with coming up with a color combination. After 23 years, I've run out of ideas. She said cream colored tops. As things were quiet on Saturday, we had a nice long visit with Santa. Heard some new stories.

Thanksgiving Prep 2025

A couple of years ago I wrote a blogpost about Thanksgiving Through the Years. As much as one year blends into another, when you take a step back you see that it has evolved. This year it will take another step forward as I am hosting for the first time.

When we bought our four-bedroom Colonial a quarter of a century ago we did so with the anticipation of filling all the bedrooms and hosting many large parties. Neither prophesy came true. We've hosted some parties, but I feel we hosted more in our tiny rowhome than we do in suburbia. When we do host, I prefer spring and summer when guests can stretch into the backyard and form clusters of conversations. The food starts on the kitchen countertop and spreads to the kitchen table. Eating is a free for all.

Thanksgiving, though, is different. It involves breakable dishes, and everyone needs a seat at a table.

Thanksgiving dinners are fraught with expectations. Even if you are a new addition (through relationships), you bring your past Thanksgivings to the table. To the room.

With ten days to go, I've created a list of food and realized just how much work my mom has been putting into this each year. 

My concerns are trying to cater to everyone's food preferences, while making sure there are things I like to eat.

Fourteen people. One cannot eat dairy and raw vegetables. One is gluten-free. One is vegetarian. One won't be in the room with food smells. Several don't care. May someone offer to wash some dishes, unless I decide I'm afraid of the china breaking. 

Yes, my dishwasher is broken. I could opt for paper plates and no one but me would care, but I would really care. If I'm doing this, I'm doing it right. Gosh darn it.

Happy Thanksgiving. See you on the flip side.

Heritage House in Smiths Falls

Last June when we stayed in Smiths Falls, Ontario we ran out of time to enjoy every part of the charming town. We made plans to return in the fall. Snow arrived before we had a chance to visit, making it feel like fall, though it was Remembrance Day.

After dinner we saw the Northern Lights. The next morning we toured The Heritage House Museum, a community historic home.

The plan had been to visit a couple of weeks earlier when the museum was decorated as a haunted house. We arrived between seasons. Staff members were undecorating. Rooms were still sealed. They were not even charging admission, instead barely asking for a donation. They were shocked when I offered to pay the full price of $10 CAD.

The Heritage House was built in 1861 by Joshua Bates. Mr. Bates was a visionary. He envisioned the canal and the railroad both bringing many people to their factory town, so he built the house looking the same from the road as from the railroad -- in other words, there was no front nor back of the house.

The door was just as fancy on both sides. The windows just as nice. Even the attached barn had decent windows. Mr. Bates believed in extreme symmetry. He wanted everything just right. At least from the outside.

The house is listed in the book The Top 170 Unique Places in Ontario because it has one of the few two-storey indoor outhouses. It took me a couple of minutes to wrap those words around until they made sense. The outhouses were not directly on top of each other, so the stuff from upstairs did not land in the outhouse downstairs. The downstairs one was a two seater -- with a big and little hole as if a child would sit next to an adult. Makes me appreciate how we did potty training without a two-seater.

Mr. Bates lived in the home for the last six months of his life. He died destitute in 1965, two years before Canada became a country. His wife and four children tried to find new places to live (marriage for those of the right age) before word got out they were penniless.

Today the museum is a hands-on place. With very
few exceptions you are encouraged to sit in uncomfortable chairs, open drawers, touch things. Of great interest to me in the study is a switchboard that used to belong in the town's hotel, and an apothecary case. I had fun playing with both.

Upstairs is a room dedicated to the factory history of the town. A display case with Hershey memorabilia. A picture of the button factory employees. Some farm equipment from Frost & Wood. Coca Cola and Pepsi bottles. Factories were big industries in Smiths Falls. Most of the 9,500 people's lives would have been involved in the factories.

 

The other open rooms upstairs were dedicated to an art exhibit. This was the 46th year for the art exhibit. The art exhibit has been taking place longer than the Heritage House has been open to the public. 

The upstairs hallway walls are dedicated to pictures of the people who lived in this house. The last owners were not proud of the fact they lived there as the house was inhabited by squatters, but owned by someone else.

The staff took time away from returning the home to its non-haunted look to show us around and tell us stories. It was the epitome of how I felt the entire time in Smiths Falls, everyone was easy to talk to with bright smiles and enthusiasm. Something that feels missing in the States these days.

Northern Lights

Don and I have been talking about returning to Smiths Falls since we stayed there the weekend we ran the Kilt Race. It is a cute town. When I came home I signed up for weekly emails describing the events taking place in the town. Fall seemed the perfect time to visit. A chance to see the town in a different season. The weekend before Halloween they had a lot of events scheduled...a Zombie walk, Haunted Heritage House, a costume party. 

It sounded idyllic. The emails talk of a town I wish was closer, one we could move to. Everyone we talked to was relaxed and open. People I'd love to live near.

For a couple of reasons we didn't make it the weekend before Halloween. Instead we saw "Phantom of the Opera" with Dave and Scottie, The War of the Worlds bike ride, and the Great Emu War. It turned into a very busy weekend.

We drove up a couple of weeks later on November 11 for an overnight. I wish we had gone up a day earlier to participate in their Remembrance Day ceremony. As we saw in Australia last year, Canada honors their veterans more than we seem to do in the United States. At the border crossing we fumbled explaining (honestly) we were only coming up for an overnight. After a struggle with the border guard he begrudgingly let us in. I agree, our explanation sounded weak. With NEXUS, though, I thought we had been screened so thoroughly we didn't need to explain ourselves when we cross the border. "Because we want to" should be good enough. When I am holding myself back from saying "because I feel calmer in your country, because Smiths Falls is my happy place, because the US is messed up and I need to be around sanity." I didn't think those reasons would really fly.

We missed fall. On November 9 it snowed five inches. Early, even by their standards.

Instead, it was winter. 

The day was magical. The things we didn't get a chance to do in June, we did in November. We toured the Heritage House Museum. We visited a couple more thrift stores. We stopped in the new site of a bulk store we wish we could clone in Lawrenceville. The owner remembered us from the fall.

The real bonus surprise of the trip was seeing the Northern Lights. 

As we were finishing our dinner at The Vault Eatery and Pub I overheard a woman at the table next to us say "aurora borealis." She received an alert that they would be exceptionally active that night. We had already been bonding over her friend's baby Elijah. I learned which app she uses (My Aurora) which has a cloud coverage feature, and one that has pinpoints where others have seen it.

As you can see in this screenshot most of the country is covered in clouds, but there we a small break between Smiths Falls and Ottawa. 

As we headed in the direction we could see faint colors in the sky. As I learned in Iceland in 2016, and again in New Jersey in 2024, the lights looks more stunning through the lens of a camera, especially an iPhone. 

As I looked out the car window I could see faint colors in the sky so we paused at the side of the road. The shoulder had snow in it. The temperature was in the low-30s --warmer than when we saw them in Iceland, but colder than we are used to this time of year.

Feeling unsafe on the side of the road, though only two cars passed us, and with the clouds catching up to us, we kept trying to outrun it without finding the bright lights of Ottawa. The woman at dinner said it was hard to find a really dark place. I nearly laughed at her. It is darker in Ontario and on the road to Ottawa than anyplace in Central Jersey.

Another pause by the side of the road as we looked for the pinpoint on the app:

It was so faint, we drove to the pinpoint. It turned out to be an icy parking lot by a golf course. The original poster got out of his car and walked into the middle of the golf course for an even darker view. I wasn't that brave. I was glad we packed the Yak Trax so I could get out of the car and looked around the car.

The lights went so far up

It looked like a water coloring

Every time I see the Northern Lights, I gain a bigger appreciation for why our Icelandic guide, Runar, chases them every chance he gets. They do feel magical.

The trip home through border control was much easier. We switched seats. I talked to the border agent. When he asked why we went to Canada, I said we were chasing the Northern Lights and saw them in a clearing on the way to Ottawa. I asked if he saw it and we ended up talking about how unfair it is you can only see them through the lens of a camera. Next thing I knew, we were back in the United States with Don shaking his head and saying I'm in charge of always talking to border control agents. We all need some skill. I guess that's mine.

PS: I later read the Northern Lights were visible from 49 out of 50 states (just not in Hawaii). Guess we didn't have to travel so far to see them, but based on my friends' pictures, we saw reds and greens and they saw pinks and less vibrant colors.