It's been over 7 years, Carin

 

It has been more than seven years since Carin left us. I admit with the passing of time, days pass when I don't think of her. When I don't miss her with an ache that feels crushing. Even weeks. Perhaps even months. 

This November, though, has not been like that. There have been days where I've reached for my phone to send her a text. Call to ask a question. Think of her.

I visited her grave in October for the first time in a couple of years. I was in that part of Pennsylvania, was alone, and didn't have immediate plans. I just wanted to be with her a little bit.

Since then I feel like she is haunting me.

Mr. Todd, our iterant arborist stopped by to trim up our trees. The last time I saw him was when I was doubled over in pain from the food poisoning I got at Carin's house during her Shiva -- as if she hovering over that day frustrated she couldn't micromanage those last details.

It was more than that. It was hosting my first Thanksgiving and wanting to ask for her insights. Okay, I wanted to vent and have her talk me off a ledge. 

Ashley had to go to the dentist. We used to text while our girls were with their dentists because they both hated it so much, and we knew it was a necessary evil. 

I think of her as I try to decide if I should commit to growing out the greys or cover them up again. What should I do with my hair?

I think of her as I plan trips. What am I missing? 

I think of her when Nancy, Laura, and I get together and swap stories of our children and families.

I thought of her as another friend succumbed to leukemia.

November would have been her and Mark's wedding anniversary. I think of that.

November seemed to be her favorite month. Not too hot. Not too cold. Filled with family getting together. Anticipation for how to make Hanukkah better than the year before.

May we all live our lives so when we are forced to leave, there are still people left who think of us fondly. Who miss us. Who mourn us.

Thanksgiving Prep 2025, part 2

It is the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and I have reached the annoyed part of Thanksgiving Prep.

Before I reply to my sister's message asking if she can bring a guest, a stranger, a newcomer, I needed to vent. I called a friend, but it rolled to voice mail. I thought about a friend who passed away 7 1/2 years ago and would have talked me off the ledge, but alas, she is no longer with us. Before I could vent to mom, she sent a passive/aggressive message that it wasn't her call since it was at my house. I made the mistake of venting to Don, who managed to make it worse. His response: tell them no, tell them to stop taking advantage of me. 

Two days before Thanksgiving I am annoyed. How am I annoyed, let me count the ways:

1) I am annoyed my husband is working the six days leading up to Thanksgiving even though he is semi-retired. He even accepted an extra shift.

2) I am annoyed the two things I have asked him to do (put away his laundry and install a handicap toilet seat for Dad) have not been done.

3) I am annoyed my younger sister did not make mashed potatoes and instead ordered them from a local store. 

4) I am annoyed at myself for being annoyed that she did not make mashed potatoes, after all what difference does it make if I don't have to make them.

5) I am annoyed with my younger sister for inviting a stranger to this mix.

6) I am annoyed my daughter has to leave before I was planning to serve dinner because her girlfriend's parents serve dinner at the same time.

7) I am annoyed because instead of helping me with the parts I need help with, offers are being made to help me with the parts under control.

8) I am annoyed with myself for not accepting the help.

9) I am annoyed with my middle sister for not RSVPing and telling me the time is going to work.

10) I am annoyed my middle sister ignored my phone call last night.

11) I am annoyed with myself for being annoyed because maybe she didn't see the call, was legitimately busy, or had a good reason for ignoring me since I never call (she never calls either).

12) I am annoyed my nephew does not like food smells and will likely complain, or they'll arrive too late for Christmas card photos, or will ruin all my hard work.

13) I am annoyed my mom broke her elbow.

14) I am more annoyed she broke her elbow at work and told my friends they couldn't tell me by threatening HIPPA laws, then didn't tell me herself for days and only after I reached out to her.

15) I'm annoyed when I vented to Don instead of saying "we'll make it work," or "you are doing a great job," or "I'm looking forward to the great food you are going to make" he said "all I really want is a pumpkin pie" -- one thing I cut from the list because I've never made one and it seemed like an easy thing to eliminate, but then felt guilty because he doesn't ask for much and that's all he wanted. I'd prefer it if he said HE would make the pie instead of adding to my plate.

16) I'm annoyed when I vented he yelled back at me. He rarely yells. I feel I have to take sides between him and the family I grew up with. After being married for 32 years, I think of them all as our family.

~~~

A week later.

Of course, it all worked out. Neither sister, nor my mom, could lift more than a pound with their dominant hand. 

Day of Don did all the after dinner washing, and told everyone I did everything leading up to the day. People thanked me. They had a good time. 

Best of all, we had leftovers that lasted until we left for vacation.

Ashley and Anna came early and set the tables. No furniture was broken (I later learned, that happened at a friend's house). No fights. No drama. 

Santa Visits through the Years

Organizing my external hard drive filled with 7 years worth of photographs has encouraged me to create another "through the years" blog. This one is of visits with Santa. In most cases, the visit was with the true Santa, as agreed upon by my friend, Heidi.

2002

I was a new mom to a 7-month old baby. I thought the only place to see Santa was at the mall. Fortunately the line was not very long.

2003

When Ashley was a year old we stumbled upon Santa while touring Kuser Mansion in Hamilton, NJ. It took us a couple of years to discover the pattern and to make it a habit to see him.

2004

Looking back I must have been crazy, but at the time it seemed sane. Ashley and I went into NYC with Debbi and Christopher to see the Christmas decorations, and take a picture with Santa at Macy's Santaland. It was an ambitious day with two small kids and mass transit.

2005

We had a nice visit with Santa at Hershey Park the year Ashley was 3.

2006

When Ashley was 4 we returned to to Kuser Mansion to visit Santa. Over the years we've been able to have long chats with Santa.

2007

When Ashley was 5 we took her to Kale's Nursery, a local florist, to see "the best Santa," according to an acquaintance. He was closer to home, and was available more hours, but he was not the true Santa.

2008

Back to Kuser Mansion to see the true Santa. Ashley and Baby, her doll, dressed like Santa for the picture.

My mom's other grandchildren could not make it to Kuser to meet Santa, so we met up at Marketfair Mall instead. Ashley was in first grade, but I was homeschooling her that year, so our schedule was flexible. We were the first ones at the mall. While waiting, a photographer from the US 1 Newspaper asked if Ashley was afraid of Santa. I said no. He asked Ashley and Santa to do a small photo shoot together. It was on the cover of the US 1 newspaper the following week.

2009

When Ashley was 7 years old, she asked Santa for a pair of spats. From here on out, Santa calls Ashley "Spats." 

2010

8-year old Ashley showing Santa the spats he brought her the year before. She then asked him for a sewing machine.

2011

At 9 Ashley asked Santa for a bearded dragon. Yeah, right, like that stands a chance of happening! There is no way I was going to allow a reptile to live in our house. 

2012

This year 10-year old Ashley brought Sandy Claws to meet Santa Claus.







2013 

Visiting Santa a Desiree Daniels annual open house. They asked about Sandy.

2014 

Back at Desiree Daniel's Open House. They asked again about Sandy. He has been pooping too much to take him out in public. This year our 12 year old asked for a trip to Europe. Amazing how the ante keeps getting upped.

2015

Back to Desiree Daniel's house again for a quick sneak visit before dashing to school to be aged 60 years from 13 to mid-70s to turn into Scrooge. Santa noted she has grown again. Ashley has been too busy to think about what she wants for Christmas this year. Does this mean Santa gets off easy this year?

2016

For the first time I did not take a picture of just Ashley with Santa. A sign the times are changing and that I was more excited to see Santa than she was? Heidi also started a new tradition -- she invited Santa to her holiday party. We also saw him at Desiree Daniels' house (timed well so we arrived at a lull). For the second year in a row, Ashley didn't tell Santa what she wanted for Christmas. 

2017

It is so nice having Santa living back in New Jersey again! This year Santa had a regular gig at Kale's Nursery in Lawrenceville. We also saw him at the Heidi's caroling party.

2018 

Two trips to see Santa at Kale's because the first time I forgot to take a picture of Ashley alone with Santa. So out of habit. So glad he is close. Ashley knit the cap she is wearing. We caught him quickly at Heidi's caroling party. Santa was very busy this year, but always makes time for those on his "Good List." 

Merry Christmas!

2019

We are entering a new stage. with Ashley working retail, seeing Santa was a bit of a challenge. Kale's was out because they had similar hours. We did find one evening at Kuser Mansion, but nearly missed it because we thought he was there until 9 (it was really 8) and we stopped for dinner after WiNK church service. We did it, and the tradition continued. With Ashley going to college next year, we'll see what happens.

2020

We popped in to see Santa at Kale's Nursery over Thanksgiving weekend because it is 2020 and who knows what will happen! Dr. Fauci said Santa cannot get Coronavirus, but there is always the chance non-essential businesses will be forced to close again. Santa sat back a few feet from us on his throne. We sat on the white bench in front of him. We wore masks when talking to him. We were told we could take them off for the picture, meanwhile he wore a clear plastic face guard as protection. A strange year to say the least.

2021

We are slowly making progress towards life two years ago. Because Santa knew we are fully vaccinated (including boosters) we were allowed to visit up close and even sit on his lap (well, Ashley did). We brought Yoran, our Belgian exchange student, with us. Santa eyed him up and said this year he gets a handshake. If he comes back next year, he gets a hug like the rest of us. We tried to explain he'll be back in Belgium by next Christmas -- no, he is not her boyfriend! This was the picture that made our Christmas card. Funny, no one asked about him. To be fair, we did mention him on the back when we talked about our news for the year.

2022

We returned to Kales for our annual Christmas photo over Thanksgiving weekend. I suppose Ashley finally graduated from being told to sit on Santa's lap.

2023

When Santa tapped his knee and asked Ashley to sit there, I felt he was asking her to model a Santa Visit for the growing line of little ones at Kale's Nursey. Last year we thought she graduated from sitting on Santa's knee, but we were mistaken. Santa is very busy, by the end of the weekend he had already seen over 1,000 children. 

2024

A new twist: adding Anna to our annual Santa photo. Kale's Nursery closed. Within days of the announcement, Carroll's Tree Farm, another Lawrenceville nursery asked him to be with them this year. He greets guests in a tiny stone building near the street. With the space heater, it is very cozy. Given the space, the next family has to wait outside, making it very private. 

Don and I went to see him at Kuser Mansion a week later for old time's sake. That line was nearly 45-minutes long. The kids played while the adults waited patiently. The mild weather helped -- a lot! The cold snap had broken, and the rains had not yet come.

2025

Santa returned to the former Kale's Nursery, now Killian's. As it was a cold day, thankfully he was indoors. I tasked Ashley with coming up with a color combination. After 23 years, I've run out of ideas. She said cream colored tops. As things were quiet on Saturday, we had a nice long visit with Santa. Heard some new stories.