Last weekend our extended family gathered in Williamsburg to celebrate my mom's 75th birthday. We are blessed everyone truly gets along with each other and everyone wanted to gather to celebrate. Late last year we gathered to honor our matriarch at her funeral. Gathering for a birthday is a much more pleasant occasion.
People broke up into smaller groups and went sightseeing in Williamsburg, they made plans for meals, and snacks, and sightseeing. No one asked us to join them. We all stayed at Woodlands -- an official Williamsburg hotel. Some took the shuttle bus to and from Duke of Gloucester Street, others walked each time, and still others walked some of the time, took the shuttle bus some of the time, and drove other times.
I was the lead organizer. I asked everyone to make their own travel arrangements, but meet up at Josiah Chowning's Tavern (on DoG) for dinner at 5 pm on Saturday, followed by singing "Happy Birthday" in the hotel lobby.
Most arrived on Thursday, some arrived late Friday night. Some left on Sunday, others on Monday. There were no other group activities planned. No matching clothing. No signs on hotel doors.
Throughout the weekend Don and I saw people in groups sightseeing together, eating together, and catching up with each other. Meanwhile, we worked behind the scenes to make the magic happen so mom could relax and socialize without worrying about the details.
By now you are wondering about the two pictures. Here they are:
The top picture was taken when I realized we were all in the same place at the same time and we better take a group picture in case the second picture (the planned one) did not happen for some reason. The second picture is of all of us after dinner.
It is hard to tell with Don (easier with me), but we are the only two people wearing the same clothes. Everyone else had a chance to go back to the hotel to clean up after a day of sightseeing before having dinner. We did not. In the morning we heard an organ recital, then picked up cupcakes, then picked up a candle and a birthday card from the Dollar Store. Quickly changed to meet up with some family at the museum before hearing a couple representing slaves (by the time we showed up to eat, they were leaving), organized the group picture before people dispersed, went on a tour (the only one of our trip), and got to the restaurant an hour early because this is the only restaurant that does not take reservations. The restaurant was kind and let us roam around and not have to wait outside. They were able to put all of us in one room. Still, we arrived 15 minutes before everyone else to make sure it was going to work out and we'd sit together. The family strolled in at the allotted hour, broke into groups at three tables in the same room (the best the restaurant could do), and met up again at the hotel. Don and I did the mad dash to the hotel to set up for the party. This is when people started to help us -- which was both nice and yet also annoying. I was so used to not having help I didn't know how to adjust to having help.
Many family pictures were taken. Many good memories were made. Some plans to meet up again in 14 months for dad's 80th birthday were bantered about (to which I replied, I'm not ready to coordinate another group outing).
People were pleased the burden was on no one to entertain and they could just hang.
I left tired.
I felt people did not appreciate that while we did not just hang out with everyone (either I was running around, or trying to do some sightseeing), we traveled to see them in Ohio a month ago. Too many times I would make an off the cuff comment, then feel I had to justify my thoughts when the other person disagreed (such as my commenting I was surprised William and Mary College has more than one store that sells merchandise, because in my experiences, only the bookstore on campus sells that college t-shirts). Conversations because exhausting, so it was no wonder I didn't want them. I was also miffed when I told people we were leaving, they walked away without saying good-bye.
To be fair, people did recognize we worked hard to make everyone else enjoy their trips, and thanked us. Perhaps it is not their fault I felt like an outsider and the event I organized, but that doesn't mean I didn't feel like an outsider.
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