We are now reaching the point where Facebook is posting what life was like a year ago. Reminders of a quaint time when we thought we'd be on pause for two weeks only to reemerge safely. When the activities were being postponed instead of cancelled. The school musical would still be celebrated. The senior fashion show would still happen. Spirit Week would merely be postponed.
As we all know, that's not what happened. The rest of Ashley's senior year was cancelled. Sure they gave them signs saying Class of 2020 (a tradition carried on this year for both the incoming freshmen and the graduating seniors) and asked them to submit pictures of them having fun, but as I keep saying, "no one will ever sign her yearbook."
Tonight her alma mater held the senior fashion show. I can't even look at the pictures. I'm happy the school is trying to create happy memories for the current class, but a bigger part of me wants to cocoon until the happy senior memories are over for the Class of 2021. It hurts seeing what I missed out on as a mom. Last year was my only chance to be the mom of a high school senior.
Yesterday Ashley's college announced it was going on lockdown because a significant amount of COVID tests came back positive. According to the website that number is THREE, but according to an email it is TWENTY-THREE (out of 1,516 tests), still a low number. No eating in the dining hall, no indoor activities, no visiting friends in other dorms. It breaks my heart.
I saw my mom today. I admitted it probably hurts me more than it hurts her, but I'd still like to talk to her about it.
The next couple of months will be emotionally draining as I see what could have been for our daughter, and what will never be.
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