One Year into the Pandemic

I started this post a week ago. I am struggling to find the right words to commemorate the first anniversary of life changing for everyone.

I'll start with what I wrote a week ago...

A year ago today our world shut down for two weeks. 

No, for four weeks. 

No, for a couple of months. 

No, for forever.

Friday the 13th of March 2020 both feels like yesterday and a hundred years ago.

It is overwhelming.

The thoughts from the past year are overwhelming.

Long paragraphs of thoughts have been reduced to small lines.

It hurts to think about life 366 days ago.

It hurts to think we still hoped to see Ashley go to Prom with her friends. To watch her in the Senior Fashion Show. To celebrate graduation with her. To hear about her senior speech after her last high school musical production. 

It will always hurt to think about the milestones that were missed.

Let me add thoughts from this week.

I realized I've been living life at a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. I've lost the ability to be miserable (because in the beginning I was chastised for being upset at the losses of things that were not people but experiences I'll never have). Along the way I lost the way to be excited and happy. Instead I am okay. Fine. Blah.

I share on FaceBook and this blog when my 5 rises to 6 or 7. Or sometimes when it drops to a 3 or 4.

I realized I've lost the passion. More importantly, I don't know how to regain it.

We are at a strange place in this pandemic. If I were to be honest, though, all parts of the pandemic have been strange places.

I've had both of my vaccinations. Don gets his second on Friday. Ashley is not even in the queue. That is a plus.

On the negative cases in New Jersey are rising. But, and there are a couple of buts that are important: hospitalizations are way down and vaccinations are happening at the rate of ten times the pace of new cases. 

Meanwhile many restrictions are being lifted and the many are being vocal about it being TOO SOON! 

Life is exhausting.

The other day Don and I talked about going out to dinner after his bike ride. First, you have to be quiet about going out to dinner because it is considered a risky behavior, along with being near others. It is safer to stay home (the vocal feel it is okay to be isolated, even though many others find it depressing). The real issue was before we could go to the restaurant we had to research what time they now close (it changes). Found out they close at 9 (it was already 8:45, so that night was out).

Picking up a book from the library is equally as exhausting. What are their hours? Which days can I go inside to pick up my book? Which days is that only available outside at a scheduled time? 

I wanted to return old license plates to DMV. Pre-COVID I went to the local DMV on the other side of town and handed them in at the front desk. Now that location only handles drivers licenses, not car licenses. Oh, and they are closed due to COVID. How long are they closed? Must do further research to find out when they are open again. The nearest location for car licenses is in Trenton, but they, too, are closed for COVID. The next closest location for what I want to do is in South Brunswick. When I showed up there was a convenient box for dropping off licenses. Now why wasn't that listed on the website?

Repeat this over and over again for every part of life. 

Time for online church and some more reflection.