Thursday, January 26, 2017

Waning optimism

I've noticed my optimism has been waning since about mid-October. I try to "look at the bright side of life" (homage to Monty Python), but it just isn't there.

In mid-October Don told me his department was told they could not work from home. His instinct? Impending layoffs. My instinct? Must be something else (software upgrade, perhaps). 

Who was right? Don, of course.

About the same time Ashley takes a big test and comes home saying: I don't think I did well on that one. My reaction? I'm sure you did much better than you thought.

Who was right? Ashley, of course.

The elections take place. I had an inkling they would be close, but there is no way an overwhelming number of people would vote for a reality TV star over a lawyer and former Secretary of State. 

Who was right? We won't even go there.

Last week my closest friend told me she thought her cancer was back. My reaction? That's not possible. 

Who was right? Sadly she is.

I'm overwhelmed by Don's continued search for a job. For Ashley's perfectly normal teenage agida (I'll get grief when she hears I wrote this). By how to build on last weekend's momentum and move forward politically. And by Carin's newest battle (for that, I mostly feel helpless as I want to fix it).

Don has gotten some encouraging news on the job hunt -- no offer yet, but at least he is hearing something from companies. Ashley survived finals and ended up with a grade good enough to move onto honors chemistry next year, the one subject she was stressing about the most. Carin has a course of treatment and more optimism in her pinkie than I have in my entire body. It is her battle, she needs it more.

Politics? I find it draining. I used to be able to vote then move on with my life. Now I am getting a barrage of emails telling me (ordering me, bossing me) to sign this petition (click), make this call, donate just $x per month to make their lives easier. 

Oh, BTW petitions aren't enough. Phone lines are jammed, so that won't work, either. Post cards are better. Or personal heart felt letters. Even better is visiting their offices! Meanwhile I live in a part of the state where my Congresswoman votes the way I would most of the time. How can I make a difference with those others members of Congress?

The latest action thought to save ourselves from burnout is to choose one or two topics and stick with them. Which ones? Someone posted her two choices: People and Earth. Not sure what she eliminated with those choices.

Seriously, what can I do? 

One thought is I need to write more. I realize I have been keeping my feelings bottled up, or sharing them in spurts with friends, but not organizing them. Even typing a blog post like this is enough to free up some of my brain cells so I can do something else.

I paused for dinner and have lost my moment to write. Hate when that happens.

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