Friday, September 27, 2013

Back to Work?

After Ashley was born, we made the big decision that I would stay home and take care of her. Pros and cons to every decision, but when I shopped around here for daycare and saw just how little I would take home after I paid a sitter, the choice was fairly simple.

When Ashley was two I started my graduate school program in library science with the intention of landing a school librarian job when Ashley started school. 

Instead, I decided to home school Ashley for first and second grade.

When she went into third grade, I thought NOW is the time! Instead I began to find some freelance work with the Lawrenceville Patch, then later with other publications. 

I was at the point that I just wasn't looking anymore when a friend emailed me to let me know about a one month position as a school librarian. The position could not have been more ideal -- it is a 12 minute drive with relatively no traffic; starts late enough that I can see Ashley off on the bus; ends early enough to not be an issue; great staff and faculty; pretty decent kids, too. 

So what is the issue? Why the question mark in the title?

Nothing is ideal. We quickly came to the conclusion that now is not the right time for me to work full-time. Since the position is temporary, I'm still juggling my freelance work. We have a home remodeling project that was scheduled months ago and cannot wait a few more weeks. I'm trying hard to be there for Ashley and Don when I am home, that I have no time to run or take care of the things I normally do. So much is not getting done. So much is getting lost in the shuffle.

Worst of all -- Ashley says I'm grumpy when I'm working. Looking back, she is right. I'm taking today off to prepare for the contractor and realized I'm smiling for the first time in three weeks.

The email and verbal compliments are very sweet, but nothing beats the twinkle in Ashley's eye when I told her I'd be home today.

I'll go back for the week and finish what I started. Perhaps I'd feel better about working if I was earning a teacher's salary with benefits (instead of a sub salary) and could afford to stop my freelance work, or the position was only three days a week instead of five. For now, though, the right decision is to continue building my freelance business and loving my family.

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