Christmas 2020 Preview

While looking for a blog post about Santa Visits through the Years, I stumbled upon one I wrote in 2013 about holiday traditions. Every year there are so many traditions I have enjoyed that we won't be able to enjoy this year -- going into NYC to see The Tree and ride the Holiday Train, "Carols of Many Nations" service at Princeton Theological Seminary, Candlelight Christmas Eve service, seeing plays, and holiday parties.

Even seeing Santa was different. We sat on a bench a couple of feet away from him. Masks off for the pictures, masks on for chatting. It was better than I could have imaged, yet a shade of years past.

I know churches will try to have services, but it is isn't the same as being together and wishing each other a Merry Christmas at midnight.

It isn't safe to go into New York City now (though it felt safe when we went in July and September), so no annual picture in Rockefeller Center. I'll probably be able to find the windows online someplace, which in some ways is better than battling the crowds to see them.

Somerset Valley Players is putting on a Zoom production of "The Christmas Bus." I bought a ticket to support them, but I'll miss seeing friends in person.

The absence of these traditions is making it easier to dream about moving to Westerville, OH. Life goes on without seeing people. Those I make an effort to see I'll be able to see virtually from Ohio (as with those who make an effort to stay in touch with me). Many I'm learning are friends of convenience. When the convenience disappears, so does the need for the friendship. I hope to make new, stronger friends in Ohio. Create new traditions. 

Traditions I can continue to do I wonder if I want to continue. Do I want a tree since we adopted a kitten? Do I want to send out Christmas cards when I don't know what I want to say in the annual newsletter? Do I want to bake cookies when there are no parties to share the cookies? Do I want to decorate when no one but us will see them (even though we often don't entertain and no one else sees our decorations)? What do Don and Ashley want to do or not want to do? Not even sure what to do about presents for Don and Ashley this year, or for anyone else. 

Stay tuned for the answers.

Thanksgiving 2020

Like Easter, Thanksgiving was held without seeing family in person. It truly helps there is a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of a vaccine. That it what facing the coldest, darkest days of the year more bearable. With Easter we were excited about the longer days, sunshine, warmth and hope once we "flattened the curve" (remember that expression?) we would be able to resume normal life. Likely by May, or maybe June...

Here we are officially in the "second wave," one that is stronger in most of the country than the first wave. The first wave mostly targeted cities, while the rest of the country was not that impacted. Until, it started to impact them, too. Now their hospitals are overflowing, and ours are back to critical. We have a "president" who rather than being presidential, has thrown up his hands and is playing golf. 

Fortunately along with the vaccine light, in 52 days we will have a new President, one who is already laying out his plans to encourage mask wearing and is creating teams of experts to fix the mess.

Back to Thanksgiving. Mom and Dad thoughtfully provided the turkey and a couple of side dishes. Ashley went to pick them up at her assigned time (social distancing) so she could take a Christmas card photo for my parents' Christmas card (each grandchild in his or her own square). Later we gathered on Zoom for Kahoot (a trivia game) and to visit. We then ate our dinners separately.

Gatherings post-vaccine should be that much sweeter.

Life Plans Thrown Out the Window

After coming home from college Ashley informed us she no longer wants to be a set designer, but instead wants to study psychology.

Um...okay?

I'll admit, I did not handle the conversation well. "Why psychology?"

"Because it is more practical than set design, the pandemic has shown me theater is not a stable career."

Cue thoughts I had when she first told me she wanted to be a set design major -- mostly that it is not a stable career.

"What do you plan to do with a psychology degree?"

"I don't know."

"Do you plan to earn a doctorate and become a psychiatrist?"

"I doubt it."

"I don't want you to abandon art because you are so good at it."

"I won't. If I could juggle theater, AP classes, and working part time last year all while still finding time to draw, I'll always do that."

"Talk to me in another 15 years when you add in a family."

As you can see, this did not go well. I'm trying to figure out why I care that she is dropping something impractical. Perhaps it is because I defended her decision to others when they told me it was impractical. Perhaps it is because the search for a school with a strong liberal arts program PLUS a strong theater program meant visiting schools a couple of times so we could both tour it and return to see a show. Perhaps it is because if she had said she wanted psychology, the search would have been completely different.

Or perhaps it is because of the revelation that came out a couple of days later: Muhlenberg changed their theater degree program and no longer offers a concentration in set design.

BOMBSHELL

How did we miss this change (which is new for her class)? What does it really mean? Who can we talk about this to? When did you learn about it?

We missed the change because it happened mid-pandemic. Had we been able to tour the school and talk to professors in person (rather than through emails) we likely would have heard about it sooner.

The change doesn't seem to mean much, the classes are still being offered, and there is greater chance to have two specialties (say set design and stage management).

Ashley won't let us talk to anyone about it because she doesn't want any professors taking it out on her. Fair enough, but we are the ones paying her tuition.

The last question is the kicker... she learned a couple of months ago, but didn't want to tell me because she knew I would be mad. So that explains why she has been avoiding me for the past couple of months when I've tried to reach out to her.

The current plan is a double major in psychology and theater (which we tried to encourage when she applied) because understanding psychology will make her a better artist. 

Now for the next bone to pick with the school ... how could so many other schools safely put on faculty-led productions, but not Muhlenberg? Looking at their website, they are not planning to do any productions until there is a vaccine. Now instead of having four years of college theater experience, she will graduate with only three. I'm disappointed her lighting class did not cover things like how to light online productions (including Zoom). It focused on stage lighting, and the second half is about aesthetics (such as ancient architecture). To be fair, the class is called Lighting and Aesthetics, but we thought aesthetics were about how to use lighting to make the production more aesthetically pleasing. It is a required class, so in that sense, nothing was lost. But also, nothing was gained.

Before you suggest she take a semester off, she did make the most wonderful friends and is not open to that suggestion. Especially now that she wants to switch to psychology.

The saddest part of the conversation was when she said she can't imagine living in a non-pandemic world.

Ah, the life of a mother with an 18-year old living during a pandemic.

Guilt-Ridden Trip to Ohio

Now that Ashley is in college, Don and I are starting to plan our "empty nest" life. Nearly a year ago we identified Westerville, Ohio as where we would like to life.

Then the pandemic hit.

Over the summer numbers started to drop in New Jersey, but rise in Ohio. Ohio landed on The List -- the list of states if we visited we would have to quarantine for 14 days after we returned. 

Ugh.

All we wanted to do was visit family and see if the town of Westerville, OH is truly where we want to target moving to, and if so -- where in the town? 

We enjoyed spending Columbus Day Weekend in Ohio. We ate out for every meal and stayed in a hotel. It felt so decadent, especially after our room was upgraded to a suite following two nights of listening to a drip behind a wall.

We visited with Heidi each day, and had a socially distant visit in Aunt Debra and Uncle Tom's back yard.

After a weekend of riding on the trails, and walking around downtown, we came to the conclusion that YES, this is where we want to move to in a couple of years. Don was able to ride his bike from the hotel to Bexley, OH, and only had to cross a couple of streets to do so (the rest were via tunnels under roads). Now when I look at maps on Zillow.com, I can picture the streets and which ones are close enough to Route 3/State Street. We found restaurants we want to frequent (including a Mimi's Cafe near the mall, the same chain we fell in love with across the street from Disneyland), parks we want to explore, a five-star library with a dragon on it, and a vibe we want to be a part of.

This won't be quick. Ashley just finished her first semester of college. We are still living through a pandemic (it would be nice to see a house in person before purchasing it). We have to worry about health care.

But...we feel as if we have a direction.

As for the guilt, the day after we came home Ohio was on THE LIST. Should we quarantine or since it wasn't on the list when we were there, do we really have to? I elected for a modified version. I still went to work and the grocery store, but did not do anything extra. I was only in contact with a few people, and I obsessively wore my mask. A month later and it is safe to say we did not catch COVID, but the guilt was still there.

Tired of living in the era of guilt. I would have felt guilty if we didn't tell my family we were near them. Felt guilty for visiting and bringing NJ germs with us. Hopefully within six months the vaccine will enable us to return to a different new normal, one that allows us to hug each other again and be closer.

A Week Ago I was Feeling Stressed

Last Saturday I had the double whammy of picking our daughter up from college for the semester and running our biggest fundraiser of the year.

Just a twee bit stressful.

I really should have blogged about how I was feeling a week ago. Instead, I kept it all inside.

Picking Ashley up for the semester was extra stressful because the COVID numbers both on campus and in the Allentown area were climbing. My school nurse advised me against going to a college campus, but I knew I needed to be there. I was worried about Ashley's mood. When I saw her six weeks earlier she was barely civil to me, insisting I wear my mask in the house, and not finding time to be with me.

What was I in for?

The Faux Gala became extra stressful when Governor Murphy instituted new restrictions 10 days before the event -- mirroring what happened in March when we had to postpone the gala. It literally took four people reminding me that this was different. This time we were holding an event with only EIGHT people -- the principal, auctioneer, someone running Zoom, someone answering Zoom questions, someone running Facebook, the tech guy, the person running tech and the web camera, and me. The Governor was allowing up to TEN people to gather inside.

We could do it.

Up at 6:15 am. Drove to Muhlenberg. Saw Ashley with her friends. They were able to hug for the only time all semester.

An hour later we were in the car and heading home. I rode with Ashley. I knew things would be okay when she took off her mask in the car in front of me, and handed me the keys because she was too tired to drive home.

Home for a couple of hours before picking up gala food, changing, and onto the main event.

The pre-event (a Zoom chat for ticket holders) went off with major glitches. Bart, our Tech Guy, quickly laid cables and the event ran smoothly. We had 67 Zoomers chiming in. They watched our dancers dance, heard speeches, and bid during our live auction. 

The evening was a success.

I wore a bridesmaid's dress from Heidi and Brandon's wedding over 20 years ago. The dress still fit, and more surprisingly I had it altered to tea length at one point so it was not too long. No one else dressed up as much as I did (though people did dress up more than they usually do when teaching), but accepted that I wanted to dress up and didn't tease me. Prior to the event I asked Facebook friends which shoes I should wear with the dress (the ones I wore for the wedding I got rid of years ago because they were uncomfortable). There were votes for each pair of shoes, but the silver ones won. Not the most comfortable of choices, but I only walked around at the end when I cleaned up.

With some free time this weekend, hopefully I will catch up on other parts of life. It is more of a challenge with Don working from home and Ashley home until February. Time truly alone with my thoughts is precious, but needed.

Halloween 2020

 

Halloween was a bit different this year. 

There was talk of cancelling it for safety, but parents have had enough and wanted their children to be able to trick or treat.

People made tubes to shoot candy from the top step down the tube to a socially safe distance away. The ones I saw on Facebook looked like fun.

I went to a Zoom Murder Mystery Halloween Party. It was fun talking to people without wearing a mask, and about something new, but it was odd not interacting with people. 

After the Halloween party, Don and I ate out and drove to walk the boardwalk in Ocean Grove and Asbury Park. Unlike what we would have expected with Halloween landing on a Saturday, and a full moon to boot, we hardly saw anyone wearing a costume, nor did we see any parties.

That sort of sums up the year. Very sedate.

Pandemic Life

 I know I have not written much lately. I have great blog posts in my head, and no energy to make them move into my fingers and onto the screen.

Overall, life has been draining. I spend too much time on my laptop or phone, and too little time with people. I feel disconnected from life.

Seeing people brings a new set of challenges. Masks or no masks? Trump or Biden? Or worse ... "I don't care who wins."

I feel I can't get diabetes under control, despite finally finding a caring doctor and agreeing to take medicine.

Work has been draining. A three week construction project finally concluded after nearly three months. Which should have been expected, but still. I was kicked out of my office over a weekend and found my desk in the board room (a room with four entrances and no privacy). Still, I tried to smile my way through it.

Trying hard to put an online gala together, but get told what I am doing is wrong when I try to do it differently than when it was in person -- it is a different event! Accept it!

Ashley is coming home in two weeks. Will she return to Muhlenberg in February? Who knows. As Coronavirus cases keep climbing no one wants to commit to having the students return. On the other hand, the school depends upon the tuition and housing dollars to pay their staff, and maintain their facilities. No students = no revenue. Less students = less revenue. It is not all about money, but a good bit of it is.

All these thoughts spin around.

At least we know in 73 days we will have a new President. There is a countdown to hope.

"I feel like I can breathe again"

 

Yesterday I felt a lot lighter when the 2020 Presidential election was called for former Vice President Joe Biden. Both Don and I felt we could finally breathe again -- a sentiment I heard from others. 

Four years of dread replaced by hope. Hope that Joe and Kamala will work to unite our country. Hope that we now have a leader more interested in the country than in himself, or in his ratings. Hope that it is okay to smile and love.

There was dancing on Broad Street in Hopewell in front of Heidi's shop. Heidi orchestrated 4,000 postcards being mailed to encourage Bucks County voters to vote. They were targeted to registered Democrats who rarely vote. I filled out 60 for her (plus another 40 for a different organization).

It worked! Bucks County flipped to blue (Democrat). Pennsylvania overall flipped from red to blue. They were the state that brought Joe and Kamala to the finish line. (I feel what I did mattered.)

Four days after Tuesday's election, a winner was declared. Though there is no concession speech from the current President, none is needed in order for this transfer of power to take place on January 20, 2021 -- in 73 days.

The weather in Central Jersey cooperated, too -- mid-70s. Blue skies. No wind. Perfect for street parties taking place from New York to Wilmington to Philadelphia to Washington, DC. 

World leaders are congratulating the United States on getting it right, and seem excited to work with Joe and Kamala.

There is still a lot of hard work that needs to be done. The Coronavirus keeps setting new daily records. The Right is upset about any photos of the Left celebrating without wearing masks (though they did not seem to say the same when their side was holding indoor rallies, or the President was holding an event in the Rose Garden without people wearing masks). The Right doesn't want us to gloat -- but it is hard to not smile after four years of living under an erratic leader.

Even with all the hurdles, it feels nice to breathe again. To feel hope. To feel we can get out of this.